Stoke Yourself Out
Self-reliance is what happens when we stop looking to other people, relationships and things to make us happy and we start learning how to fulfill ourselves.
When we're looking to others to make us happy we're at the mercy of circumstances and we put ourselves in a position to become the victim. In my experience, being the victim just plain sucks.
The Victim is an archetype, or a universally understood pattern of behavior. The Victim views life as if things are happening to them. Victim mentality says being taken advantage of is never our fault. To know if you're playing the victim in your life, ask yourself these questions:
- Do I blame others for the circumstances of my life?
- Do I spend a lot of time in the depths of self-pity?
- Do I envy others who always seem to get what they want out of life?
- Do I tend to feel more powerless than powerful?
If you answered 'yes' to any of them, guess what? You've got an OPPORTUNITY :) Start recognizing when the victim archetype when it comes up. Let it alert you to the possibility that you're about to let yourself be victimized, whether through passivity or inappropriate actions. It can also help you see your own tendencies to victimize others for personal gain. It ain't easy to notice this part of ourselves, but we need to do it to be able to generate our own happiness and fulfillment.
When I'm being the Victim I find that I bicker with my husband more, I throw myself pity parties that prevent me from being productive, I lose my spark of creativity and I forget about gratitude. I lose my power. To get back in the saddle, so to speak, I have to do something that nurtures my soul. One of my teachers calls this learning to stoke your own inner fire. It's about continually practicing things that help you to be a stronger individual so you can in turn be stronger for your family, your work and your community. I bet you can feel yourself practicing self-reliance when you go to yoga, meditate, eat food that makes you feel great, or do whatever it is that fulfills you to the core.
Here's a great quote on the topic:
"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Howard Thurman was one hell of a smart man, don't you think?!
Yoga Today is run by a friend whose very dear to my heart, Kim Whitman. She a totally smart, fun-spirited woman on a mission to get more people to practice yoga, no matter where they are in the world. She produces one-hour classes with fantastic teachers amidst beautiful outdoor scenery. Like I said, it's all online so you can be at home, in a hotel room or by the pool. If you're lucky, you'll even see yours truly as an extra in some of the classes :)
Yoga Glo is also an online yoga membership service that really allows you to refine your search for the perfect class. You can choose from a lengthy list of well-renowned teachers, the duration of class, style of yoga, and level of difficulty. They also offer online workshops and meditation classes so you get the full-on yoga student experience.
Now on days when you're not feeling stoked to be you, when you're not feeling that inner fire, you'll know where to turn. You'll turn inside instead of out. Yoga, meditation, a warm bath with essential oils, a walk in nature, a nutrient-dense meal, journaling, creating art...they all make a difference.
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